I don’t know if it sounds like a broken record to you, but I think most of you feel the same way as I do at one point in time. The feeling that you’re somewhat tired, and nothing good is in the horizon.
I try to come up with a solution on how to balance my ‘working life’ to my ‘personal life.’ Yet, as perceived in the movies, these two aspects of my life somewhat don’t agree on each other. Most of the time ripping me off from my usual self.
My life as of this moment is not that laidback, carefree one like in those past years. I am somewhat faced with the dilemma of trying to find ways to finance myself and all the financial burden I am trying to carry. ‘Tis not that I am complaining or something, yet the notion of one is a much more pleasing than thinking of solutions to alleviate the situation.
My life is constantly at a crossroads. Many times I am faced with the decisions on which way in the fork should I go, or what side should I be in. From these, the repercussions seems permanent - I am constantly in fear on choosing the wrong one.
People have the tendency to aim for much higher ground than they can walk on. Sometimes they take the risk and come out of it alive and vindicated. For me, I think the road is way too long to continue, eventhough I am halfway to the finish. If not for Aya I would have been six feet under. I am stressed, and I am hurt.
This crossroad makes me think of things I usually not be thinking about. And this crossroad makes me see the world in a different perspective. I don’t know if it is a good one. I am not in the mood nor in capacity to see things straight and with optimism. For me, this pessimissm will continue after I finally see the finish line, or I can proudly say to myself that the race has been won.
Maybe after all of these I deserve something good. Something better. I don’t know when to start or how to start.
…Maybe you can help. Maybe not.
